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2020外研社英语写作大赛冠军议论文讲评

广州国际语言培训中心    2021-10-19

议论文真题

Write an essay in response to the passage below. You should discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the passage and explain your reasons for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the author's opinion might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. You should provide your own title and write about 800 words.

We can see and shape our future

Do you wish to be able to predict the future? To some people, such an idea seems absurd. They believe that people are products of their time—that we live in the present and solve problems as they arise. When they weigh the chance of certain future events affecting an individual, a nation, or mankind, they see them as a random occurrence—unknowable, unpredicted, coming out of nowhere, and only fully understood in hindsight. They are mistaken. If you accept this mindset, be prepared to be blindsided by competitors, attacked by invaders, or forced up against challenges you previously ignored.

Though they are largely unaware of it, most people do try to forecast the future every day. Our important actions and decisions are linked to the hope that our choices will have a positive impact on us. Similarly, every important policy a nation makes is linked to the expectation that it will lead to national progress and prosperity. We need to develop a predictive awareness, knowing where to look and what to do for our future benefit. By learning to predict trends and using sound strategies, we will be ready for the future.


2020年外研社国才杯英语写作大赛全国冠军廖佳欣

选手破题思路

  • 廖佳欣  浙江外国语学院

  • 2020“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军、议论文最高分作者

今年的议论文赛题为:人类是否需要预测未来的能力。材料偏向于肯定预测未来能力的好处,我经过斟酌也选择认同这一观点。通过思路整合,我将文章分为个人、国家和全人类三大角度,分层次讨论了预测未来的能力带来的优势。人类从古至今从未放弃对不可知未来的探索和追求。你要问人类的命运最终走向何处,我只能将目光投向那不可知的未来,因为答案往往还是掌握在引领时代的智者手中。预测未来的能力赋予了人类上帝视角,当好奇的手触碰到水晶球的那一刻起,我们就成为了个人、国家和全人类命运的主宰者。

文章结构参考往届优秀范文,融入个人思考,表现出当今中国所倡导的“四个意识”中的大局意识和看齐意识。例证以当今时代为背景,囊括了近期的热点事件,如席卷全球的新冠疫情、理塘代言人丁真的爆红和全球气候问题等。

当然,我的作文也有很多不足之处,如少量拼写错误、论证方法单一、文章角度欠缺新意等。

作 品 欣 赏

Touch the Crystal Ball with Wisdom

With a mere sight of the customer's face or palm, the grotesque man alongside the alley is able to give a persuasive prediction of individual future, which has become a ubiquitous phenomenon in the countryside. It may sound superstitious to the advocates of science, but scientists and engineers plodding vigorously in the front line of the-state-of-the-art technologies are forecasting the imminent destiny of the country, so do politicians and artists. There is no denying that ability to foresee the unpredictable is definitely among the top ranks of superpowers pursued relentlessly by humans.

Throughout the history, mankind is constantly seeking out for the miraculous ability of predicting the future. Since the powerful wizard mysteriously touched the crystal ball to envisage the scenes from the distant future, human beings are endowed with the natural instincts of probing into the unknown out of curiosity. As far as I am concerned, I cannot wait to espouse and embrace the capability of forecasting the future for the following reasons.

To begin with, the ability of predicting the future entails remarkable changes in individual destinies. As the saying goes, those who see the future win the future. Humans are products of their time. If treated with discreet scrutiny, we are likely to be the master of time and our own fate. Taking the advantage of the skyrocketing users of streaming media, the Chinese poverty alleviation project is able to cultivate one of the most prominent and successful example from the poverty-stricken regions of China: Dingzhen. His Bambi eyes and rare innocence have gone viral online currently, attracting billions of frantic followers who cancel their hectic schedules only to meet with this boy in Sichuan Province. Rich grasslands flecked with campsites stretch away in the haze distance to the soaring mountain peaks dazzlingly, leaving Litang town a pearl hidden in the snow mountains. If not for the insightful teams of poverty alleviation, Dingzhen would still be a nameless boy on the horseback and get stuck in the isolated utopia in indigence. Therefore, forecasting the future plays a vital role in averting individual's ignoble fate and resurrect one's potential ambitions without faltering.

Another justification is that being capable of foreseeing the future enables the country to thrive and strive for the common good of their people. With stringent quarantine regulations to smite Convid-19 beforehand, China has displayed a responsible national image of safeguarding the safety of Chinese to a wide range of countries. The New Normal has become a routine for Chinese residents, who have ceaselessly annihilated any relapse of the treacherous virus, leaving the world green with envy. Without the wisdom of predicting the future to prepare for the present, the Chinese government would never steady the urgent situation for the sake of the common good of their people. Thanks to the endeavors from all walks of life, China has been deemed as the safest home around the globe in confrontation with the pestilence. As is revealed by Albert Camus in his masterpiece The Plague, “there have been as many plagues as wars in history, and they ask people the same questions of sacrifice, love, death and destiny”. Therefore, it is indispensable for a country to cast its insightful eyes for the future destiny so as to shield their people from a devil of scrape in pursuit of well-being and welfare.

Last but not least, seeing through the forthcoming incidents engenders the well-being of the entire human race. Whenever a collective effort is made in the name of the universal welfare, human beings are constantly seeking out a solution for the global communities. A case in point is the Paris Climate Protocol, in which an abundance of countries have weighed in and committed to cut down carbon emission in order to alleviate global warming. According to the far-reaching history of conferences concerning climate change, mankind is marching forward vigorously in pursuit of the harmony between economic growth and environmental protection simultaneously. What is for sure is that the average temperature will be much higher without the insightful predictions and warnings of global scientists. Evidently, human beings are increasingly aware of the severeness of environmental issues that determine the common destiny of humanity. Therefore, mankind will never risk the well-being of our species with the aid of the predicting ability and left ourselves helplessly at the mercy of the impending natural disasters.

In a nutshell, forecasting the future proves a boon to individuals, countries and the entire human race. Xuanzang would never pull himself out of the mire of calamities and accomplish the journey to the west without Sun Wukong's piercing eyes to predict the underlying plights and predicaments. Things turn out the same for human destinies. If endowed with such superpower, mankind would be capable of tackling with an assortment of challenges and misfortunes that used to be unprecedented and unpredictable. Thereby, we should never resist to touch the crystal ball with wisdom and fulfill the vision board with endeavors beforehand.

2020年外研社国才杯英语写作大赛指导老师祝捷

名师点评

  • 祝捷  武汉大学外语学院副教授

  • 2020“外研社·国才杯”写作大赛亚军指导教师

  • 2018“外研社·国才杯”写作大赛冠军指导教师

本文作者以“Touch the crystal ball with wisdom”为标题,以古代占卜为开篇引入话题,形象生动,吸引读者兴趣。其后,作者明确陈述个人立场:“人类应该并有能力预测未来”,观点鲜明,直面回应题目材料主题。在分析主论点理由时,作者提出三个分论点,分析预测未来的能力对个人、国民、全人类产生的积极影响,层次分明,层层递进。结束段落为总结,再次扼要重申三个分论点,最后一句话呼应标题,成功点题,从而很好地完成了本文的写作任务。

全篇文章是典型的总-分-总结构,各段落功能明确,篇幅占比合理,结构完整。三个分论点各成一段,用“to begin with”“another”“last but not least”衔接,过渡自然。每段由一个中心主题句开始,然后举例证明,最后简要总结。清晰一致的组织结构既有助于作者理清思路、清晰表达观点,也有助于读者快速准确理解作者观点。此外,本文选取的例证紧密联系最新时代背景和社会热点,具有时效性和启发性。

本文的一大亮点还在于作者的语言表述。用词正式、高级,词汇量丰富,句式工整且富于变化,符合议论文的文体要求。句与句之间依靠内在关联过渡,鲜用外部连接词,表现出良好的语感。值得一提的是,本文运用了比喻和象征等多种修辞手法,具有记叙文的抒情风格,语言优美,别具一格,同时很好地与其他论述部分相融合,说明作者语言驾驭能力强。

当然,本文仍有提升空间,主要存在以下问题:

  • 论证方法略显单一,主体部分主要以举例支撑论述,个案举例之后立即进入普遍性总结,且某些措辞语气强烈(如there is no denying that,never等),欠说服力。建议适当增加论述说理、分析阐释以及驳论环节,并适时使用口吻缓和的用语(hedging words)。

  • 标题中“with wisdom”是很重要的关键词,可惜文中没有深入探讨what is wisdom,how to do with wisdom。

  • 本文例证丰富,但有些部分过于详细,未能把握好详略。建议精简某些举例,留出篇幅充实论证方法和内容。另外,不建议在总结段落继续举例。

  • 有少量语言错误,比如:ability of doing (→ability to do),resist to do (→resist doing)等。此外,某些词汇不够贴切恰当:a ubiquitous (→common) phenomenon,ignoble fate (→an indecent life) 等。

瑕不掩瑜,作者在短时间内完成了一篇优秀的赛场议论文,观点鲜明切题、结构清晰完整、词汇句式丰富多变,展现出很强的语言能力和良好的写作习惯。



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